


you feel like home (and home is you)

by annaregina



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Happy Ending, I did not like Rey's ending, No Pregnancy, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Twin lightsaber damn it, and that's that on that sis, and they're all happy, listen, they're by a lake on naboo with finn and rose and poe, this is so self serving but i do not gaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22870624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaregina/pseuds/annaregina
Summary: "You."“Me,” he smiled, and his smile was all Ben – nothing of Kylo remained. The soft curve of his lips, the dimples, all things she had seen in that beautiful, glorious half minute after they’d won and nothing could tear them apart again.(TROS Fix-it bc I had some.... issues with it)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 87





	you feel like home (and home is you)

“What are you doing here? Don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought you never wanted to see sand again.”

The voice came from behind head as she blinked out into the burning sunset for a moment, the words taking time to filter into her consciousness.

When she realised she hadn’t imagined them - Ben’s low, amused voice really had come from behind her - she swivelled on the spot, her hand reaching for the belt where her lightsaber hung, and ignited the twin golden blades automatically, old instincts rushing back in like a tidal wave at the first sign of danger. Months after Exegol, having resigned herself to never hearing it again, Ben Solo’s voice was definitely danger.

“You.”

Ben’s faintly glowing outline pushed off the outer wall of the Lars’ home casually, like this wasn’t something to be alarmed about, like she hadn’t spent the months since the confrontation with Palpatine searching the horizon, searching her dreams, sending useless ribbons of hope down the bond between them, the bond that had been left as torn shreds in the wind, searching for _him_.

“Me,” he smiled, and his smile was all Ben – nothing of Kylo remained. The soft curve of his lips, the dimples, all things she had seen in that beautiful, glorious half minute after they’d won and nothing could tear them apart again.

She turned off the blades and the heady silence of the desert in the evening fell over them again, no longer split by the humming of the kyber crystals.

“How?”

She wanted her voice to sound strong, collected, calm. She was none of those things. She wanted to throw up, scream, maybe run out into the sand that, now the suns were setting, would grow dangerously cold. Her voice shook. “How, Ben?”

He stepped forwards. “Did he really never explain this to you? Force ghosts?” he asked softly.

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Rey spat, stepping backwards, keeping the distance between them the same.

He flinched and shook his head. “I know. So ask me your real question.”

Her hair had grown longer and now it was free of its buns - another reminder of her previous life that she’d wanted to leave behind - it whipped across her face as the winds blew across the dunes by the homestead.

“If this is possible, if you can come to me like this,” she started, keeping her voice low even though there was no one around to hear them, “Why didn’t you come sooner? I’ve seen Luke, I’ve seen Leia. Not you.”

The corner of his mouth twisted into a familiar smirk, and memories of Han swam unbidden into her mind. “I’ve been here, you just couldn’t see me. Because I’m not the same as them - _we_ aren’t the same. Dyad, remember, sweetheart?”

“ _Don’t_ call me that,” she muttered and stormed past him, skin raised in goosebumps as the last sliver of sun dipped below the landscape, the desert plunged into darkness. “I’m not your sweetheart.”

“You’re my everything,” he countered, following her with a grace she’d never seen him possess in real life.

 _When he was alive_ her brain corrected, unhelpfully, _which he wasn’t now_.

She made a derisive noise low in her throat but her hands were shaking as she moved around inside, preparing her meal to keep herself busy in her old stubbornly methodical fashion.

Staying silent to watch her, Ben waited patiently for her to speak, knowing the words would come if he gave her space.

“What do you mean I couldn’t see you?” she muttered, still refusing to look at him.

“You weren’t ready. You blocked the Force out, the bond out. Everything out, really. Like you’ve blocked your friend’s comm-links.”

Rey grunted in reply. Maybe she had – so what? No one had understood. Finn and Poe had tried to listen to her, Rose had mostly understood coming back to Tatooine, but the self-isolation, the aching loneliness despite being surrounded by the newly disbanded Resistance, none of them had grasped it. It had been suffocating, surrounded by well-wishers and celebrations and people congratulating her for her work, when all she’d wanted to do was curl into a ball and scream for the half of her soul she’d lost.

She discredited her friends, they weren’t as bad as she sometimes felt they were; they had tried, they really had, but when they found her, curved protectively over a body that no longer existed and swearing that _Ben Solo had been here, he’d helped her, he was good, the Dark had gone and we have to get him back_ as she shook with exhaustion and rambled about bonds and dyads, what were they supposed to think except that she’d gone mad and needed them around to help her adjust.

Except that was the opposite of what she’d needed and so she’d taken herself off to grieve alone, to give herself time to adjust to the gaping hole in her heart where Ben Solo had been tethered for so long.

“I needed to,” she finally admitted. “I needed to be alone. To... get used to it again. The silence in my head.”

His heart broke, and he reached out to touch her, his fingers brushing the windswept waves of her loose hair. “Rey, you’re not alone.”

“No?” she said with a derisive laugh, wiping her cheeks fiercely - she was not crying, she was _not_. “Tell me, Ben, now you’re some glowy semi-transparent ghost in front of me, can you hold me? Can you kiss me again? Are you able to be here when I get back, cooking dinner? Can I fly the Falcon back to Finn and introduce you properly, or will everyone else see nothing beside me and think Rey has lost it for good this time?”

“Rey,” he said softly, her name precious in his mouth. He’d gotten to say it so few times like this before: tenderly, lovingly.

“ _What?"_

He laughed slightly and reached out again, resting his hand against her cheek, his thumb gently brushing her freckles.

Her retort died on her tongue.

It wasn’t like it had been on Exegol: there wasn’t the pressing heat of him, the knowledge that his solid body was right in front of her, but there _was_ his presence. He was there, she felt him and he was real. A small sob worked out of her throat as she lifted her other hand up to mimic him, cupping his jaw.

“I promised you once that you weren’t alone. I don’t like breaking promises,” Ben murmured.

“How is this possible? You - you died, your body vanished, you _left_.”

He didn’t think he’d ever forgive her parents for doing that to her.

“I have never left you willingly, and I never will, sweetheart,” he said gently. “And while I don’t know how exactly this is working, I have some ideas.”

Her bottom lip trembled with emotion. Inside, now she was looking at him properly, he looked more solid, nothing like the images of Luke and Leia and others she’d seen when she first arrived here. If anything, he felt more real than her own body did right now.

“Dyad, remember?” he chuckled. “It would seem being connected like we were and then swapping life forces around does more to keep you tethered to this world than we’d thought.”

“Don’t _joke_ ,” she choked fiercely. “This isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking,” he promised, tugging on the end of her hair to prove his point - she actually jumped at the sensation. “I’m real. And getting more real. The bond, it’s like a path, a rope, one that I can follow back to you.”

“Back to me,” she echoed, her mind whirring. Her knowledge of the force wasn’t encyclopaedic, not by a long stretch. She only had her own experiences, the little Luke had taught her and stories from Leia. But even desperate for a way to have him back, this seemed impossible.

“I know what you’re going to say,” he said, lifting a finger to tap against her lips, her brow furrowing in irritation at being interrupted. “But don’t bother. No one knows how this stuff works. We’re the only pair like us in living memory. We shouldn’t have been able to move any objects through the bond, let alone lightsabers but we did. We shouldn’t have been able to see each other light years apart but we did. Nothing makes sense, so why not this?”

“Because nothing that good ever happens to me,” she cried, trying to pull away from him but finding that her wrists were caught in his - very solid, very real - grip. “I don’t get to keep you, that’s not how this ends. Everyone leaves.”

“Bullshit,” he snapped. “That’s not a happy ending, Rey, you saved the kriffing galaxy, please believe me when I say you deserve better.”

She sagged against his grip. “I don’t understand any of this, and...” she paused and clenched her jaw. He found it infinitely adorable, despite the situation. “And I’m terrified of looking away and finding that you’re gone when I look back. I can’t lose you a second time.”

“You won’t. When I’ve gathered enough strength to get myself back properly, I promise you I’m never leaving you again.”

He could practically see the cogs whirring in her brain as she worked through it all, accepting that he could touch her, that even if she couldn’t feel his skin properly, his hands were absolutely resting on her waist now, that this really was happening and he was in front of her.

“I feel so guilty,” she whispered and her voice was suddenly hoarse, barely audible.

Ben wondered if she’d spoken to anyone about what had happened on Exegol. About her grandfather, about the battle, about watching them all die above her, dying herself and what that had felt like. He doubted it - his Rey, his wonderful beautiful survivor probably hadn’t thought it necessary to look after herself emotionally but he’d been watching her since she arrived here, he’d seen it eat away at her as slowly but surely as the dunes shifted outside.

She should be with her friends. She should be with him, on Naboo, by a lake, the lightsabers hung up and forgotten, not hiding herself away on a planet so much like the one she’d hated, alone and rotting in the inside in penance for some imagined sin.

“I couldn’t stop him fast enough. You _died_ , so many people died, I could’ve done something sooner.”

“No,” he said firmly. “My love, no. You gave everything. You’ve given enough. You don’t owe them anything anymore, your life is yours now.”

She shuddered at his words and looked up to meet his gaze. “And yours. If - when... you’re back, properly, you don’t owe anyone anything either.”

He smiled - of course she could only accept it for herself if he did too. Kriff knows he didn’t deserve her.

“I know.”

They watched each other, Rey’s eyes fixed on the dimly glowing but steady outline of his body, then on his face, his hands, his broad shoulders, the jumper he’d been wearing when he followed her on Exegol clinging to him. She’d forgotten how beautiful he was like this, his dark gaze trained on her.

“Do... do you need to eat? Are you - does a semi-alive force ghost need food?” she said, and she’d started off serious but now the corners of her mouth twitched in amusement, a weight seemingly sliding off her shoulders as the situation sank in properly.

“He might not _need_ it, but he is rather hungry,” Ben grinned back, settling on one of the little stools in the kitchen and watching as she flushed and started to grab some food.

This was what he’d fought back for, _died_ for, given the last of his life force for – and he knew it was worth it. For this small slice of domesticity, watching Rey move around the enclosed space with the bowls in her hand, the little water boiling wheezing in the corner, he’d die a thousand more times.

The food took longer than Rey had planned seeing as she’d had to double up the portions last minute but once it was hot, Ben watched her transfer it mechanically into bowls and scrape the packaging clean very carefully so as not to waste any. He had half a mind to stop her and tell her that she didn’t need to ration like that anymore, that she wouldn’t want for anything ever again, but she was focused, the small crease between her brows telling him that she probably wouldn’t appreciate the interruption and so he resigned himself (happily) to watching her.

The only indication she gave that she’d noticed his attention was the slight flush spreading across her freckled cheekbones as she set the bowls down and hesitated in front of him.

“What is it?” he smiled.

“Nothing.”

“Rey,” he snorted, “I’m not stupid.”

She gave him a look that suggested she thought otherwise before she considered her words. “I’m not… I’m not exactly a touchy feely person and seeing as we don’t know how _ghost_ you are…” she stammered, the blush spreading, “But with you, I – I want to be that kind of person. Not just to check that you’re not going to vanish or-“

Ben just laughed, a warm sound that she didn’t know how she’d lived without until this moment, and tugged her down onto his lap, tucking her head easily under his chin and wrapping one broad arm around her. “My little scavenger.”

She protested automatically but once she’d caught her balance the protests stopped and she let out a small noise of contentment. His warmth wasn’t quite back, a side effect of being in the process of materialising still, but the steadiness of his breathing was still soothing.

“Relax, I’ve got you,” he chuckled, grabbing his bowl of food and starting to eat.

 _I’ve got you_. A wonderful phrase. She basked in the silence for a little while, the silence that no longer felt lonely and oppressive, but welcome. They ate slowly, neither of them in a rush to finish and move from their position, and slowly she allowed her muscles to relax, accepting that she wasn’t about to fall through him onto the floor or be pushed away and rejected.

“Are you planning on staying here permanently?” Ben asked softly, tenderly playing with a lock of her hair like he couldn’t quite believe he was being allowed to do it.

She turned slowly to look at him properly, her eyes scanning over him, relearning the lines of his face. She’d seen it twisted in anger, grief, pain, rage, loss, so many awful emotions; she’d got used to that, but she doubted she was ever going to get used to his expression now. It had floored her the one time she’d seen it before, and it had ruined her to think she’d never get to see it again. No one had ever looked at her like that before, not Finn, or Leia, or Rose, or any one of her new family. Not even Kylo Ren had.

This expression was Ben Solo’s alone.

“I was,” she whispered. “I was planning on staying here and… surviving. The way I always have.”

He let out a displeased noise and she shook her head. “Not now,” she promised, her voice strengthening. “Not anymore.”

“Where do you want to go?” he asked quietly. She had the whole galaxy to explore, if she so desired, and all the time in the world. If anyone tried to stop her, they’d have to deal with him.

“Anywhere if you’re there,” Rey answered, looking up at him from under her eyelashes, her heart thumping wildly with the vulnerability that the admittance let in.

“I think we can manage that,” he said softly.

She watched him for a moment, brushing her hand across the slope of his cheek before her eyes lit up in a way he suspected they hadn’t in the months since Exegol. His heart leapt at the sight.

“I have something for you.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Stay there!”

She ducked out of the room and scampered up the steps back outside. Ben decidedly did not stay there, and followed her back out into the night, the sand cool underfoot.

“Rey, what are you-“

She held her hand out and closed her eyes, settling into a familiar meditation and he watched the sand at her feet sink away to reveal a leather case. Ever so gently, she lifted it out, the ghost of a smile on her lips as she turned to face him and held it out.

“I buried them, because I couldn’t… I couldn’t look at them, they only reminded me of what I’d lost. So I buried them and then made my own to help me focus, but one belongs to you, so…”

Ben felt the calming weight in his hand as he dusted the soft leather free of sand and gingerly opened the case.

Three lightsabers. One with dark vertical ridges, one with elegant copper rings, one with messy exposed wiring and a jagged cross-guard. He ghosted his fingers over each one in turn before his fingers closed around his – no, Kylo Ren’s – lightsaber.

“Where did you find it?” he croaked.

“I went back,” she whispered and the sound was swallowed up by the desert, “I needed something of yours, something I could have to remind me that you had existed. Even if it was this.”

“I shouldn’t use it, it’s caused too much damage – I don’t deserve to wield one at all,” Ben said bitterly and turned to throw it away into the sand the same way he’d done in those towering waves. She stopped him with a gentle hand on his wrist.

“Turn it on, Ben.”

He frowned. “Turn it on?”

She tilted her head to the side as she watched him. “Kylo Ren destroyed the crystal inside bending it to the dark side. What happens if Ben Solo repairs it again?”

“I don’t _know_ , Rey, that’s not _possible_ -“

She scoffed. “And what makes you the expert? You’re currently standing here and that wasn’t possible either. Try it.”

Ben remained sceptical, but he stepped backwards to give himself some space and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he shifted the weight of the blade in his hand and ran his thumb over the switch.

It took him a long time to open his eyes, but when he did, the first thing he saw wasn’t the blade in front of him, but Rey’s face, illuminated by the glow of his lightsaber, the throbbing of the cross guards drowning out his heart hammering in his chest.

She was staring at him like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and when she nodded at him, he shifted his gaze to the blade.

Pure white. The beam was pure white.

A soft strangled noise left his throat, one he hadn’t actively made.

Still he didn’t speak, and neither did she. She just reached down and ignited her own saber, the two ends splitting the darkness even further as she held it up to his.

White and gold, none of the old Jedi colours in sight; no blue, no green, no _red_. Just theirs: her new weapon and his redeemed one, glowing in the dunes of Tatooine.

“I told you,” she said, lifting her chin defiantly, like someone would come along and stop her saying it, like she wouldn’t allow him not to accept this declaration that she was right. “There’s nothing of him left, Ben.”

He laughed, watching the two blades’ lights mingle, the colours crossing and bleeding into one another easily, the dyad at work even in their weapons.

“I love you,” he said softly, feeling her eyes on him still. “And I’m back, this proves it if nothing else does. I’m back. I love you.”

“I know,” she replied, smiling. She reached out and took his hand, squeezing tightly and marvelling that she could do it at all. “Let’s go inside, I think there’s a lot more to talk about,” Rey added softly, stepping closer to him and pushing his hair back off his face in a gesture she didn’t even know she knew to do.

He shivered and lowered his head, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I think so too.”

Lightsabers turned off, they slipped back into the small home, leaving the dunes behind, both feeling that all was finally right in the galaxy, and would stay that way for a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAA THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER STAR WARS FANFIC, so ofc it was Reylo lmao. I know there's a million of these happy ending fics but here is my humble offering to the reylo gods lmaoo.  
> (Also inspiration credit to diasterisms' fic 'i kill giants' - you should go read if you haven't already!! - and also to a court of thorns and roses for following bonds back to the land of the living)  
> The amazing moodboard was made by [@PunkyAo3](https://twitter.com/PunkyAo3), thank you so much!
> 
> Follow me on twitter if u like! [@annareginar](https://twitter.com/annareginar)


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